It’s been three weeks or so since the AC joint and supporting ligaments in my left shoulder were completely torn apart.
My recent visit to the orthopedics doc left me kind of annoyed. I waited for about an hour and when the doc finally came in, the first thing he asked me was what I did for a living. I replied with my typical “I’m an IT guy”, to which he replied “Well, you can have surgery, but you’ll be fine without it.”
At that point he was ready to wrap up the visit only 60 seconds in. I asked if the ligaments would ever grow back, and was told they wouldn’t unless I got the surgery. He went on to explain that the muscles in the shoulder would grow to compensate for the lack of support, and unless I was a pro tennis player or something like that, then I shouldn’t worry about it. I asked him if there were any limitations or loss of structural integrity and was told “nothing significant.”
Well I’m sorry, but it seemed to me that a proper shoulder should be supported by the very ligaments I tore. Yes, being an IT guy, the likelihood of me taking up a pro tennis career is practically nil. However, I still felt that any loss of structural support like that couldn’t be good, especially when I get older. After getting my hands on some orthopedics texts while visiting a doctor friend of mine today, I found that indeed a 5% to 10% loss of strength can be expected with a type III separation. What bothers me most isn’t the permanent bump on my left shoulder, or the fact that the ortho doc I saw was basically saying “you’re a fat IT guy, you won’t miss what you don’t use”… what really bothers me is the thought of being broken, especially when I have the option to fix it.
As of today, amazingly I can move my left arm around pretty good and I’m gaining some strength back. I still can’t lift my arm up to raise my hand or anything, and I have no hope of doing things like reaching around to scratch my back. The pain in the AC joint itself is still very real, and it lets me know when I go too far, but all in all I’m impressed with my body’s ability to cope. All the muscles around my scapula still cramp up like nobody’s business, and I have to take frequent rests to help calm those puppies down… but things are progressing.
So with all this progress and not much in the way of lost function to look forward to, why am I considering surgery? Aside from the fixer in me that is bothered as hell that one thing that is supposed to be connected to another just isn’t, and will never be without surgery… the fact is I have an opportunity to take a small risk to fix the problem while I’m young enough to recover as quickly and as thoroughly as possible. No amount of muscle building or physical therapy can get my body to a state as structurally sound as how I’m naturally supposed to be put together.
Still, the argument for just letting it recover without surgery and live with the separated shoulder is a good one, particularly when my physical activity level is currently so low and the foreseeable future doesn’t assume any increase. The real bottom line is; I want my limitations to be entirely of my choosing. I know that sounds kind of funny, but let me explain it this way; When I was a kid growing up, I liked keys. I began collecting them because I knew they would let me into something or somewhere. Eventually that collection became known as “the forbidden key chain”, and held such gems as the mater key to all the doors in my high school, the key to a mountain top communications relay station, and several others. I never used any of these keys… well, ok rarely did I ever use only a couple keys from the forbidden key chain a couple times, but my point is I had the option to use them, but chose not to. The important thing was that I had the choice… and really that’s all anyone wants. I see it all the time.
Let’s say a someone is looking over a clearance table in a local store. They stand and look over the items with other people. As they look over the various things, they are making judgments about usefulness, value, etc. but ultimately nothing from the table interests them. Then this casual browser overhears a couple standing on the other side of the table talking about an item sitting next to the casual browser. Immediately the mind races… the browser instantly becomes an aggressive shopper, rechecking the table, reassessing the item in question. The browser may even be prodded into action by pretending they didn’t hear the couple talking as they pick the item up… staking a claim to it by simply holding it, and at the same time reserving the option, the choice, to purchase it. Whether or not the casual browser decides to buy the item or not is irrelevant. Action was taken because of the pressure generated by the knowledge that soon, if they didn’t act fast, the choice to buy it would be gone. The knowledge that the item itself would be gone is not the affecting issue, the browser had already determined that it was of no interest. Action was taken due to the potential loss of choice.
So here I sit with my broken shoulder. No matter what the doc told me, I know there will be limitations. For example, with my shoulder the way it is I don’t have the choice to take up professional tennis. I know I’ve had and will have a lot more situations come up in my life where I have no choices at all, but in this case I do have one. I can choose to get the surgery.
I’ll give it a month, let things settle down with my shoulder and my day job projects, then I will revisit this decision. Luckily, the doc told me this is a choice that can wait.
Tags: health, psychology
