Ok, so here’s the deal. I have a business meeting coming up on Monday and I needed a haircut. My hair is kind of curly but not quite what it used to be when I was younger, so it just kind of poofs out all floofy like. I had to ship some stuff at FedEx, so Jenny suggested I go to the hair salon next a couple doors down the strip mall. It turns out this place was a “Fantastic Sams” franchise.
In my defense, I was (and still am) very tired… last night I was tossing and turning all night, and finally gave up and started my day at 6am after only 4 hours of horrible sleep. After getting a shampoo, which almost put me to sleep in the chair, the cutting began. Before starting, she asked if I wanted to take off my sideburns or leave them. As per usual, I told her to take ’em off. It was all going so well, so I decided to just close my eyes while I tried not to breath in the little chunks and particles of hair that were constantly falling off the front of my head. I felt her buzz my left side, then proceed up and around the entire front of my face with the clippers… in my drowsy head I knew something was wrong… clippers should not have to be shaping the hair around my face. I opened my eyes to spy this nightmare:
| before |
 |
| after |
 |
| after |
 |
I considered explaining that I was neither in the military, nor in the NFL, nor was I a young black man from the 80’s (ok, white dudes were doing it too)… but it was too late. I had to let her do the other side to match. It’s not just the sideburns… you can’t really tell from the picture, but there’s a full half-inch clearance from ear to shave line all the way around my ear… it’s ridiculous! On the way out, she rang me up and mentioned to me “we don’t add any tip, sooo”… to which I should have replied “Oh, we don’t either”. Unfortunately I just stayed silent and walked out.
Now I’m facing a really important meeting on Monday and all I can think about is downing countless kelp tablets and gallons of gelatin… maybe some pre-natal vitamins will help… I always heard girls rave about their nails and hair growing so fast and strong when on them. I don’t know what’s worse though, this haircut, or going to the pharmacy asking for pre-natal vitamins with this haircut.
i’m in love with this. true.
What a sex bomb!!!
I feel your pain. I went into the hairdressers last week because I had a business meeting next week. I asked for “short back and sides.” I stupidly closed my eyes because hair was falling over my face. When I opened them, I was BALD. I asked the stupid hairdresser what the hell she was doing and she replied “Oh I thought you’d look better hairless. But it turns out you have an irregular shaped head, and you dont, sorry”
I was furious. I still am. How do I face the business meeting next week like this???
Oh man! That reminds me of the time I had my friend (mistake 1) cut my hair with a shaver (mistake 2) and he accidentally buzzed a big chunk out of my head. I was pissed, but decided it was better to just have him do the rest bald. The real problem was, my highschool senior class yearbook pictures were the very next day. I had a little fight with the photographer taking pictures about me wearing a hat, but there I was… the only guy in the whole yearbook wearing a hat over my bald head for my class photo.
Good luck with the meeting… just tell them you’re supporting a friend with cancer. You’ll be a hero!